‘Honey! HONEY!? Rose, where are you?’
‘In here, Jon.’
‘In where?’
‘Bedroom!’
‘Whattt?’
‘I said, the BEDROOM!’
‘What’re you up to?’
‘Catchin’ a kip.’
‘WHY?’
‘Would you stop screaming and get in here!?’
‘Why’re you huddled under the quilt?’
‘Feeling a bit wabbit.’
‘What is it?’
‘Nothing much.’
‘Innit contagious? My nose feels itchy already.’
‘Certainly not!’
‘How are you so sure?’
‘Because it’s the painters; they’re here!’
‘Painters?? WHERE!?’
‘NO! I mean Aunt Flo is visiting.’
‘Painters or Aunt Flo? Make up your mind!’
‘Damnit Jon! I’ve got my periods.’
‘Aah! Coulda just told me that! No wonder your aura is so negative’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘What do you need?’
‘Just cravin’ a cuppa.’
‘I see.’
‘You making?’
‘I can’t be arsed!’
‘Well… can I get you something instead…?’
‘No. It’s alright. Just let me be for a bit.’
‘Fancy some chicken soup?’
‘What?’
‘SHALL I MAKE SOME CHICKEN SOUP?’
‘Why are you screaming?’
‘I thought you’ve gone deaf–making me repeat EVERYTHING! It’s getting pretty exhausting now,!’
‘You’ve done nothing all these years. Why now?’
‘Just a little quid pro quo.’
‘Quid–what?’
‘Oh, come on! I’m sure I’ve been of some help.’
‘Yeah, when?’
‘Just the other day, I bought shampoo for you!’
‘Yes, dog shampoo Jon! WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A DOG!’
‘Ah, forget about it. What about when you’d been to your parent’s, and I took Ben to the store?’
‘Really? You want to talk about the day when I prayed for the firmaments to swallow you!? I was so mad at you. You forgot our son at the store and went off to play rugby with the guys!’
‘Uh-oh. Wrong example.’
‘No, the most appropriate one. Now, if you’ll leave me be, I would like to rest. Shut the door on your way out, please.’
***
‘AHH!’
‘Blimey! What the hell are you doing, Jon? Why are my cupboards empty? Why is everything on the floor? What – ’
‘Can you stop with the whats and whys! I was just looking for something.’
‘Looking?’
‘For a knife, yes.’
‘It’s in this drawer, right here under your nose. What do you need a knife for!?’
‘For making chicken soup. But I couldn’t find it, so I borrowed this machete from the gardener.’
‘Have you gone bonkers, Jon? You were planning to chop chicken with this godforsaken thing?’
‘Yes, but I couldn’t! I think a knife is better suited for this purpose.’
‘Really? You think so?’
‘I am sorry Rose. I just wanted to do something nice for you but-’
‘Aww… Never mind! It’s the thought that matters. Now get out, let me tidy up this mess.’
‘No, no. I’ve got it. You deserve to rest for a while.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, 100%. It’s just cleaning, how difficult can it be?’
***
‘ROSE! Is this cleaner for the floor or the dishes? THEY BOTH LOOK THE SAME!’
***
British Slangs –
Catchin’ a kip – taking a nap
Can’t be arsed – can’t be bothered
This story received Runner-Up award in the monthly contest held by ArtoonsInn
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