Leave Me Alone

by Chandra Sundeep

The rock glitters on my finger. It’s my wedding ring. Now I know how it feels to be on cloud nine, for I am there. Well, almost there… You will never be happy; my mother’s vicious voice screams inside my brain.

Matt, my husband is a good guy. He loves me, despite my quirks, which I have in plenty.

I met Matt at a Downtown pub on a Monday evening, 3 months ago. Yeah, I know who gets drunk on a Monday evening, but come on don’t judge me. It had been a crappy day, and I needed a pint to drown my miseries. The stinky, bald, ugly, foul-mouthed manager had had a field day at my expense (he is none of those except for being foul-mouthed) he is quite a handsome guy, friendly to all except ME! If only I could solve the puzzle and figure out what it was he hated about me.

You are a loser, a burden! Her eyes spitting fire, she shouted over the loud music. I shushed the voice and focused on my drink. 

I was about 2 pints down when a sing-song voice approached me with the usual cheesy line. His over-friendly approach didn’t impress me, but I guess he thought my silence meant ‘yes’ and he plonked right next to me, ‘I feel ya mate.’ And just like that, we sat next to each other for 3 whole hours, not saying a word.

The Friday when I went to the pub, he was there again. All by himself. Intrigued, I went and sat on the stool next to him and smiled. ‘Hi!’ his blank face didn’t show a hint of recognition, which was a hard slap. I had always thought of myself as being a ‘hard to forget’ person. Dude! We spent three hours together just 4 days ago… I wanted to scream but better sense prevailed and I drowned myself in the lager.

Nobody’s gonna remember you filthy creature…. Ughhh! She spat with vile hatred.

And then I heard the drawl. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but don’t know why at that moment my heart skipped a beat forcing me to wonder if this is how love feels.

‘Hey, you seem happy today?’ and just like that we started chatting like old friends. You will never have a friend, you will be lonely always, I shuddered hoping he hadn’t heard her venomous screech.

3 months is not a short time when you are with the right guy, and just like that one fine evening he went down on one knee.

There was no reason not to say ‘yes’.

And for the second time in my life I was happy without her rebuking me. It felt good.

——

I was 16 years old when I felt happy for the first time. Can you believe it I had spent 16 long years on this planet without experiencing joy? Well, shit happens!

I had graduated with honors, couldn’t wait to get out of the hellhole, called ‘home’ and enter the glamourous world of college. You are a dumbass; you are born to be a loser! She hissed as I collected the certificate.

As I packed the last of my undies, she walked in, fuming as always.

My room was filled with boxes and bags, I was filled with dreams and hopes, and I guess she was filled with a rage. Like always.

You ruined my life, and now you are happy going to college. You are such a selfish b****, Why don’t you just die?

She screamed non-stop like a clock; I was used to her outbursts. But her screams were getting to my nerves. I wished she would just stop yelling as I clenched my fists. And then suddenly, just like that, there was silence. And I felt happy. For the first time.

For a few months there was complete silence in my brain, and a lot of peace in my life. Then out of the blue she started making appearances, now and then.

Of late she seems to come back often. And more often than not, she comes when I am happy.

I wonder what she wants from me. I really don’t care; all I want is for her to stop talking. Forever.

Oh, did I tell you, people say my mother died under mysterious circumstances.

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