Moo Me All The Way

by Chandra Sundeep

Valentine’s Day is almost here. The day to woo the person you love, and shower them with chocolates, roses, gifts, and even poems.

Unlike other countries, in India, this day is not just a lovie-dovie day. It’s a day filled with plenty of drama, too. Right from pushing lovebirds out of parks, getting offended at their un-sanskari PDA, ripping Valentine’s day cards, and setting them on fire. We have all witnessed it.

I thought I had seen it all, too. The drama, I mean. Alas, I was living in a bubble, it just burst today with a bellowing Moo! Trust me, the news was no moo-sic to my ears…

Apparently, Valentine’s Day is a thing of the past, says the government! A better way to spread positive energy and collective happiness is to celebrate the day as “Cow Hug Day.” So, apparently, instead of wooing your lover, you gotta moo the cow!

Hey… I am not amoosed at the idea! And, I am sure, neither are my cow-mates.

For one, what about consent? Do the cows want to be hugged by random strangers? Of course, they would run far away from the groping hands. Wouldn’t it result in udder chaos?

The government might have to beef up security.

Imagine this scenario.

A cow is returning home, mooing happily after having spent the day grazing paper and all the plastic the loving hoomans have thrown everywhere. It’s pasture (past her) bedtime when she settles down. Much to her annoyance, hairy hands reach out to hug her. Do you think she’s gonna like this udderly-botherly love? Nah! Her gut would definitely churn.

She might not like being bull-ied. And might just butcher her hooman un-lover. It’s high steaks after all!

I don’t think the cows are ready to say moo-chas grass-ias to this initiative. They can smell bull from miles afar!

Honestly, IMO, the government should stop being such a cow.


This article was first published on Women’s Web

By subscribing, you agree to our website terms and conditions.

You may also like

Leave a Comment